Come on and celebrate!

This week is a time of celebration in the Lee household - not only is my husband on the road to recovery from bypass surgery, but we are celebrating our Golden Wedding Anniversary. 50 years! who would have believed it? Certainly not a friend back in 1971, who gave our marriage 12 months at the outside; definitely not my mother, who was suspicious of Graham from day one; maybe not even Graham and I, who went into marriage with the naivety and blind optimism of youth.

I remember that on that day 50 years ago I did take seriously my wedding vows before a God I didn’t yet know; I had learnt enough at my convent school to know that you don’t mess with God. I didn’t yet know that he was a God who not only understands my frailties but whose constant motivation and joy is to encourage and to restore, and that it’s not only ok to fail, it’s part of the human condition. I was to learn over the years that while I often make promises to God that I don’t keep, he doesn’t. He never gives up on me, and by his grace and mercy my marriage vows remain intact and he has blessed me beyond measure with half a century of life shared with a beautiful, profoundly good, sweet, generous and gentle man whom I love and treasure and know I don’t deserve.

In recent weeks, maybe with a renewed awareness of the passing of the years, I have been mulling over the words of the most famous poem in the Bible, Psalm 23..

“the Lord’s my shepherd, I lack nothing”.

That was not a theme that resonated through the first four years of our marriage when, despite the gift of two beautiful children our life spiralled out of control and into financial, psychological and emotional meltdown.

Until, at our lowest ebb, when I was drowning in a sea of hopelessness and self loathing I was introduced to a God I had never met before, the God David celebrates in Psalm 23, who not only loves me but actually likes me, and who, despite my predilection for wandering off down self destructive blind alleys constantly delights to rescue me and bless my life.

I love this Psalm because it is a reminder to me that it’s ok to be weak, ok to fail, ok to not have my life sorted, ok to be inadequate and broken, because God's heart is for flawed people like me. I wish we celebrated this truth more in our churches, and resisted the urge to foster a culture of spiritual achievement, moral superiority, adequacy and strength. True community is built on the recognition of our failings not our self sufficiency.

Psalm 23 was written by one of the most flawed, dysfunctional, inadequate men in Scripture. David could give me lessons in how to mess up my life. He was THE expert on the subject.

Yet in this Psalm he doesn’t beat himself up, doesn’t come up with a list of things he needs to do in order to get in God’s good books. Instead he tells us everything that God does for us, the love and care he lavishes on us. Maybe that’s why it’s not a passage that’s preached on so much, because it is impossible to make a spiritual or moral to-do list out of this Psalm!

“The Lord is my shepherd - I lack nothing.”

That’s not the God I grew up with. The God of my childhood was distant and fearsome; his approval and help had to be hard earned, was always conditional and frequently withheld. But David says if God is your shepherd you have everything you need for life. Everything! Not money, not possessions, not status, not physical beauty, not success, not health . . . if God is my shepherd I lack for nothing.

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters, he refreshes my soul” - a shepherd knows his sheep will not rest until they feel safe, secure, well fed; he doesn’t drive his sheep, he gently leads them into safe pasture, where he can protect and watch over them. Whatever life throws at me, when life seems scary and out of my control, as it frequently does, I can remind myself that I am safe under his care.

“he leads me along the right paths for his name's sake”. I cannot count the many times he has bailed me out from the foolishness of my own actions, taken me back when I ignored him, forgiven me when I disobeyed him, encouraged me when I failed him.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

A shepherd uses his rod to protect, his staff to guide. There have been dark valleys over the past fifty years, and no doubt there will be more. Sometimes I wonder why Lord, if you love me so much you don’t take the painful parts away, but I am learning, still learning, still failing, to trust that you have your reasons, and they are so much wiser than my understanding. The most important thing is that you are with me . . . always with me, through the darkest valleys.

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.”

You welcome me at your table, you actually seek out my company! You don’t just tolerate my presence because it’s part of your job description. You prepare a table - you’re not only a shepherd but the perfect host who spares no expense to welcome and honour everyone who accepts your invitation to come and dine at your table.

“Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Dane Ortlund says of this verse that the Hebrew word for follow me throughout the Scriptures speaks of pursuit - God’s goodness and mercy, he says, are not just friends tagging behind, they are chasing us down.

God’s goodness and mercy chased us down in Christ who spared no expense but went to the Cross on our behalf so that we might have the joy of dwelling with the Lord forever.

50 years may seem like an eternity to some. As our son said, we are probably the only ones who would have put up with each other for this long!

In reality it is just the start . . .

So, bring on the celebrations . . .

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing”.

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